Magic Man's Corner: The Raven
by supercomputer276
Summary: Magic Man narrates Edger Allen Poe's classic poem while Astro Man acts it out. However, things don't go quite as smoothly as they possibly could... Hopefully the first of a series of stories.


**Notice that this was originally written to mimic a screenplay like they use for television; I converted it to regular script format for this site. Either way, I wrote this in eleventh grade while we were studying Edger Allen Poe and I happened to be playing Mega Man & Bass during that time period. The three Robot Masters in here are my favorites in the original series and I wanted to use them in something, so I ended up writing this most ridiculous little TV show like deal. Enjoy!**

**-supercomputer276**

MAGIC MAN'S CORNER: THE RAVEN

CHARACTERS (in order of appearance): Magic Man, Astro Man, Clown Man, Roll, Mettool, Raven

SCENE 1

INT. – STAGE – DAY

MAGIC MAN: Welcome, one and all, to Magic Man's Corner. Tonight, we have the tale of mystery and terror by the crown prince of written horror, Edgar Allen Poe. We'd have him narrate if he wasn't already dead. Instead, I shall narrate the shocking tale known as _The Raven_.

SCENE 2

INT. – DEN – NIGHT

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore-

Astro Man is floating in the armchair seat next to a fireplace, reading an issue of Shonen Jump magazine.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly, there came a tapping,…

A tapping sounds, and Astro Man turns in his seat.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

ASTRO MAN: 'T is some visitor…

MAGIC MAN (narrating): I muttered…

ASTRO MAN: …tapping at my chamber door—only this and nothing more.

Rap music starts playing from the other side of the door. Astro Man opens it to reveal Clown Man on the front step carrying a boom box.

CLOWN MAN: Yo, Astro, you in the mood to listen to rap music?

Astro Man slams the door in Clown Man's face.

SCENE 3

INT. – STAGE – DAY

MAGIC MAN: Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, and each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Magic Man moves off to the side.

MAGIC MAN: Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow from my books surcease of sorrow-

Enter Roll.

MAGIC MAN: Sorrow for the lost Lenore- for the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore- nameless here forevermore.

ROLL: Remind me why I'm here again.

MAGIC MAN: You're the only female robot we know.

ROLL: Oh, OK. Carry on.

SCENE 4

INT. – DEN – NIGHT

Astro Man is seen in his chair, grumbling as he reads. "Clown Man" and "idiot" is heard in his speech.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain thrilled me- filled me with terrors never felt before.

ASTRO MAN: Whoa, this is one scary book.

The tapping starts up again.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating…

ASTRO MAN (quickly but audibly): 'T is some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door- some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door- that it is and nothing more. (to himself at regular speed) And if the visitor is Clown Man, soon he will be quite sore!

Astro Man gets up and moves to the door.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer…

ASTRO MAN: Sir…

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Said I…

ASTRO MAN: …or Madame, truly your forgiveness I implore; but the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping (though if it's Clown Man, it wasn't gentle at all), and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, that I scarce was sure I heard you.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Here I opened wide the door-

Astro Man opens the door and there is a Mettool on the front porch.

ASTRO MAN: What are you doing here?

METTOOL: I was lonely and wanted to play.

ASTRO MAN: I'm rather busy at the moment. Perhaps later, oh say eleven-ish?

METTOOL: Works for me! (exits)

Astro Man closes door.

ASTRO MAN: Perhaps we should try that again. (clears throat) That I scarce was sure I heard you.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Here I opened wide the door-

Astro Man opens the door, and this time there is nothing there.

ASTRO MAN (to himself): Better.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Darkness there and nothing more.

ASTRO MAN (after looking around the scene): I knew I shouldn't have wasted the batteries for the emergency flashlight.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there wondering fearing,…

ASTRO MAN: That Clown Man's gonna show up again.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word…

ASTRO MAN (whispering out the door): Lenore?

MAGIC MAN (narrating): This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word…

CLOWN MAN (shouting out the door, out of view): Lenore!

Astro Man flies out the door, out of sight. There are sounds of battle and one or two explosions. Eventually, Astro Man comes back in and slams the door behind him.

ASTRO MAN: Well, Clown Man won't be bothering us anymore.

SCENE 5

INT. – STAGE – DAY

MAGIC MAN: Merely this and nothing more.

ROLL: Merely doesn't seem to describe it.

MAGIC MAN: Oh you shush.

ROLL: Nevermore!

MAGIC MAN: Not yet! The title character hasn't appeared!

ROLL: Oh all right…

SCENE 6

INT. – DEN – NIGHT

Astro Man is reading again.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder then before.

Tapping is heard again.

ASTRO MAN: Surely…

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Said I…

ASTRO MAN: Surely that is something at my window lattice; let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore- (gets up and moves to window) let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; 'T is the wind and nothing more!

Astro Man opens the window.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter…

Enter Raven from window.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore; Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he…

Raven moves across the floor at random like a chicken.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door…

Raven flies up on top of figure of head above the door of the room.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door- perched, and sat, and nothing more.

ASTRO MAN (to himself): Yeesh, I thought Wily's heart was black…

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancying into smiling, by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.

ASTRO MAN: Though they crest be short and shaven, thou…

MAGIC MAN (narrating): I said…

ASTRO MAN: Art sure no craven, ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore- tell me what they lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Quoth the Raven…

RAVEN: Nevermore.

ASTRO MAN: Um… sorry, I didn't quite catch that.

RAVEN: I said, "Nevermore."

ASTRO MAN: Oh.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, though its answer little meaning – little relevancy bore; for we cannot help agreeing that no living human being ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door- bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, with such name as "Nevermore."

ASTRO MAN: Well, it certainly is unique, I'll give you that.

RAVEN: Thanks. I mean, nevermore.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): But the Raven sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only that one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

ASTRO MAN: But he already said other things.

RAVEN: No I didn't.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Nothing further then he uttered, not a feather then he fluttered- till I scarcely more then muttered…

ASTRO MAN: Other friends had flown before; on the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.

MAGIC MAN (narrating)

Then the bird said…

RAVEN: Neverbore.

ASTRO MAN: No, "nevermore."

RAVEN: That's what I said.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken…

ASTRO MAN: Doubtless…

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Said I…

ASTRO MAN: What it utters is it only stock and store, caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore- till the dirges of his Hope the melancholy burden bore of 'Never-nevermore.'

RAVEN: Actually, it's only in the screenplay.

ASTRO MAN: Shush it, it's not your cue.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling…

ASTRO MAN: If this nonsense keeps up, people will be smiling all right.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door…

Astro Man pulls a Star Wars cushion out, places it on the floor in front of the door, and gets his book from the chair.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Then upon the velvet sinking…

Astro Man sits on cushion and continues reading.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): …I betook myself to linking fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore-

RAVEN: I look ominous? Cool!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore meant in croaking "Nevermore."

RAVEN: OK, that almost hurt.

SCENE 7

INT. – STAGE – DAY

ROLL: How could you say all that? You hurt that poor bird's feelings!

MAGIC MAN: Look, kid, I don't write the stuff, I just read it. So pipe down and listen.

SCENE 8

INT. – DEN – NIGHT

MAGIC MAN (narrating): This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing to the fowl, whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core.

RAVEN: What's a bosom?

ASTRO MAN: How should I know? I'm just a robot.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining…

Astro Man falls on his back.

ASTRO MAN: Oof!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er.

Astro Man gets up.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): But whose velvet violet lining with lamplight gloating o'er, _she_ shall press, ah, nevermore!

SCENE 9

INT. – STAGE – DAY

ROLL: What does "o'er" mean?

MAGIC MAN: I told you before: I don't write the stuff, I just read it.

SCENE 10

INT. – DEN – NIGHT

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Then, methought, the air drew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer…

ASTRO MAN: (sniffs) All right, what prankster threw a perfume bottle in the fireplace?

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Swung by seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.

Silence.

RAVEN: Astro, that's your cue.

ASTRO MAN: Thanks. Wretch…

MAGIC MAN (narrating)

I cried…

ASTRO MAN: Thy God has lent thee – by these angels he hath sent thee respite- respite the nepenthe- from thy memories of Lenore! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Quoth the Raven…

RAVEN: Boy, I'm bored.

ASTRO MAN: Foolish bird, it's "nevermore."

RAVEN: You mean those words don't exist anymore?

ASTRO MAN: No no, it's not "anymore," it's "nevermore!"

RAVEN: But that's a double negative! Improper grammar!

ASTRO MAN: GRRRRRR! PROPHET!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Said I…

ASTRO MAN: Thing of evil! Prophet still, if bird of devil! Whether Tempter sent, or whatever tempest tossed thee ashore, desolate yet all undaunted, on the desert land enchanted- on this home by Horror haunted – tell me truly, I implore; is there- _is_ there balm in Gilead? – tell me – tell me, I implore!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Quoth the Raven…

RAVEN: You're a sore.

ASTRO MAN: You and I are talking about getting your lines memorized before the show.

RAVEN: They _are_ memorized. I just keep forgetting them.

ASTRO MAN: How could you forget? It's only one word!

RAVEN: Let's just see if we can finish this stupid show before one of us explodes.

ASTRO MAN: Smart idea. Prophet!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Said I…

ASTRO MAN: Thing of evil! Prophet still, if bird of devil! By that Heaven that bends above us – by that God we both adore, tell his soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, it shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore- clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Quoth the Raven…

RAVEN: Who's Lenore?

ASTRO MAN: No no no! "Nevermore!"

RAVEN: Sounds like you just answered your own question.

ASTRO MAN: GAAAAA! Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): I shrieked, upstarting…

ASTRO MAN: Get the back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! Live not black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Live my loneliness unbroken! quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!

MAGIC MAN (narrating): Quoth the Raven…

RAVEN: Um… uh… don't tell me, I know it… um… EAT AT POP'S PANCAKES!

ASTRO MAN: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, YOU STUPID BIRD! ASTRO CRUNCH!!

SCENE 11

INT. – STAGE – DAY

Sounds of fighting and the Raven squawking are in the background as Magic Man speaks.

MAGIC MAN: And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, _still_ is sitting on the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; and his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, and the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; and my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted- nevermore!

ROLL: Not a bad poem. Kinda spooky.

MAGIC MAN: Well, Edgar Allen Poe was quite the horror writer.

Astro Man enters. He holds the Raven in his right hand by the neck.

ASTRO MAN: Why didn't you tell me, Magic Man, that this stupid robotic raven never learned its lines?

MAGIC MAN: Why should I? The ratings for this show are ever higher then before. Should we do it again, so ratings are higher then before?

ROLL: Quoth the Raven…

ASTRO MAN: NEVERMORE!!

**THE END**


End file.
